Shoutout to Simon Rich

What I think other people at Malone are saying about me:

In the cafeteria:

-Who's that kid sitting at that one table all by himself?

-I don't know, but it's probably because he has no friends.

-Wait, no! He's pulling out his phone, people without friends have no use for phones!

-He's probably meeting someone here.

-Ah, yes, I can see that frustrated look in his eyes, the other person must be running late.

In chapel:

-Isn't that David over there not raising his hands during worship?

-I think it is, wow, what a heathen, he's probably thinking about drugs and other sins.

-But wait, if you think about it, everyone raises their hands during worship.

-Yeah, so David is really trending and probably more spiritual than any of us!

-Oh my gosh, I never thought of it that way!

In class:

-Why is that kid in the back row not asking any questions?

-I don't know, I mean, we've pretty much all been asking questions except for him.

-Yeah, it's blatantly obvious that he's the only one not asking questions.

-Maybe he doesn't need to know anything more.

-Huh. So you're saying this material is all common knowledge to him?

-It must be! Wow, he's the smartest person I know!

Playing ultimate in the quad:

-Wow, look at that kid, he's great!

-You mean that one?

-No, not the obviously fast and skilled one, the other one.

-Oh I see, the one that is probably holding back his skill for a quick burst late in the game?

-Yeah, that one, he knows what he's doing.

-Those other fools think points win the game, haha.

Driving back to campus:

-Isn't that David's car?
-I think so, no one else would be playing such a great mix of classics and contemporary hits.
-It's true, he does have the best music.
-Sometimes I'm so jealous of David's music taste I can't stand it.
-Me too, I have to try really hard to be indifferent about it when I see him.
-Yeah, me too.